New Beginnings or just “Same shit; Different Year” scenarios?

Every year, on January 1^st, I see social media ablaze with promises of this being the “perfect year” with weight loss plans and fitness memes promising the perfect body. I hear conversations about how last year was a difficult time for someone and that if they could only start again, or that this is the year they are going to put the fire back into their relationships, or start that Masters degree course again: that this year they will be the perfect husband or mother or colleague.

Why do we need the 1^st of January to convince ourselves to be better only to disappoint ourselves annually by the end of the first week and spend the rest of the year planning to be better in the following year to come?

I call “BULLSHIT!”

There is no doubt in my mind of the last 15057 days of my life, the most recent 630 days have been the worst of them combined. Of course, I want things to be better and I have certainly tried to do so personally by removing myself from bad situations, going to therapy, taking up exercise and eating more healthily. I have bought the self-help books and read daily devotions, I have taken walks along the beach and felt gratitude for the sunrise and all of creation, I have hugged my family more and told them “I love you”, I have checked my attitude and made sure that I have left things that would weigh me down in the past as I look ahead into my wonderfully positive future, just like those Facebook messages told me to do.

So, how do I know that this will be “the best year of my life”?

 I don’t.

I can start by getting through today without making promises that I know I cannot keep. I can focus on making my breakfast and taking the dog a walk despite the freezing cold temperatures and frost on the ground or that I have lost my gloves – again. After that, I can enjoy reading a few pages of my new book or an episode of that new TV show on Netflix. I can have that afternoon nap, because today I am still on vacation and the dishwasher can do my dishes and I don’t have to worry about ironing that shirt today.

I need this to be a better year – emotionally, personally, socially, financially, mentally, in fact in every sphere I can imagine. I would love to catch a break and live a life on the crest of a wave from now until next year rather than in the depths of the lowest valley. But I sure as hell am not willing to fake smile my way through crap any more and give myself little “pep talks” to tell me that it is right around the corner or that a little New Years resolution will make it all better, knowing that in the next week I will fail to do those 30 squats a day or forget to say my morning affirmation by Joel Osteen or Deepak Choprah.

I am learning that life is not a block of 365 days at a time. It is a fluid, dynamic and organic thing that grows and sometimes stagnates because of a series of choices we each make – every choice with a consequence that may be good or bad or simply indifferent. It is something that is a result of being brave every day and facing countless unknowns, because (let’s face it) none of us has this thing figured out.

I want this year to be great and easy and full of good
things, but I have no idea what is going to happen tomorrow. I can try to make good choices, but there is no guarantee that I will get it right. All I can do is face it head on and hope for the best, without making myself promises I know I won’t be able to keep.

So, here goes…